Be My Peace or A Piece of it: A Discussion about the Absurd Relationship Expectations of this Generation
“Be her peace, she already crazy.” “Be his peace he already picked the wrong baby mama!” “Be his peace, he already upset his beard won’t connect.” Now as lighthearted and funny as these jokes seem, these are REAL expectations that some of you/we (this is a group drag) have. I think this “be my peace” movement is quite interesting because we all have different a definition of peace. We have different desires and needs. Like for me, food is PEACE for me. I can’t stress this enough. JK I am deeper than that guys. Hanging with someone but not having to talk the entire time, ya know just letting the vibe flow, that’s also peaceful for me. CLARITY, like knowing exactly where I am going with something, that’s a form of peace for me. But before I go on and on, spoiler alert! It’s unreasonable for you to THINK that any human being can bring you peace. In order to experience a sense of peace, you have to have some type of peace already established. So then, that person becomes a PIECE of your peace. Follow me okay? I’m going to make it make sense.
I think one of the impeding struggles of relationships theses days are the intense expectations. For those of us who are in our twenty somethings, we can vouch for our own individual struggles right? Either you’re in school, trying to get in school, working a 9-5, trying to figure out life, trying to make a 100 stretch for God knows how long, or trying to chase a dream that seems to be running faster than you can catch. It’s safe to say we all have A LOT going on. Then you have to factor in emotional trauma, childhood trauma that led to it, baggage, financial burdens, mental disorders….etc. My point?There’s no perfect person or situation. So if you are not 100% why would you expect someone to magically come and turn things around for you? I notice when people are at their lowest they can go one or two ways. One, they try to redirect their problem. Or two, they continue to dig deeper into their toxicity and look for a person=distraction to solve their problems. Some of us, seek out particular qualities in our partners that we hope will fill the voids or insecurities in our lives. Like a man could have self hate about his complexion or appearance, so he’ll seek out a trophy wife(specific women who are within his type that are very socially beautiful). Because that’ll give him the peace about his appearance. Women do it too. Keep reading, I will dig deeper.
Some women have daddy issues. And daddy issues, I’ve recently observed can be experienced two ways. A woman can have an absent father and struggle with trusting men, expecting partners to be a father figure, or lack the reassurance that fathers are supposed to give their daughters. Or a woman can have a good loving father and she might unrealistically measure men to her father and feel she will never find her “one”. With both scenarios, each expectation is unrealistic. No man, regardless of how much money he spends or how well the takes care of you, can bring you the peace of a father. And for my city girls, let’s not forget the original City Girls are paid. Scamming a man into feeding you when you broke, demanding him to do this and that (especially if yall fresh and not deep into dating) will not give you the peace of financial stability you crave. Remember, Megan said stop calling him a trick if he only buy you food. You ought to want more than that! It’s crazy and borderline an illness to expect things that you don’t have established quite already. We as women love saying we bring the table. But what is the table built of? Trust issues, hurt, bitterness, unfinished business? Truth is, even when you experiencing pure chaos in your life,.. if someone peaceful comes around.. I guarantee you won’t be able to receive them. That unsettled peace will reject them. And I, can VOUCH personally for that one.
And men. I’ll never drop the mama expectation. Some men( and I am going to say some because I don’t want to generalize all men since I am a woman) expect a women to be your suffering servant. You want her to cook, clean, be in school, not go out, have low mileage(when yours is so high you need to consider buying…) and stroke your ego too! Then on top of that, you not giving her no screen time either. SLAVERY. Even if you find a slave, I mean a beautiful woman as such it won’t give you the peace you need. The peace to get over your ex who cheated on you, your mother or father issues, or basic insecurities. And then, some men want this dynamic duo. They want to attract a boss. Well a boss or independent woman will not be your pet baby. You want a boss, expect a boss. If you operate with any of those mentalities, 9/10 you’ll end up losing any good woman that comes your way, OR you will overlook her with your unrealistic expectations. Can’t find the missing puzzle piece if you unaware of your lack of peace.
Let me close this out. We all have baggage and carry it different. And I don’t believe anyone will ever experience a 100% of peace in this lifetime. Cause something is always going on. So don’t have these absurd expectations, especially when you’re casually dating. That’s why some of us (yeah I am including me, this a group drag) don’t make past the talking stage. Too busy demanding things that we can’t and have yet to reciprocate in our own lives. Everyone should have standards, and if you inflexible about some, that is fine. Just make sure things are adding up and you are seeking a piece of peace, not someone to be the WHOLE thing.