1-20-20
Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts or imagery. These thoughts bring stress or possibly trouble someone. With these thoughts, it’s almost as if them seem stuck in your head. Because of the nature of intrusive thoughts and their persistence.. they can be accompanied by compulsions. Compulsions, mental or physical, are basically coping mechanisms to defend one from the invading thoughts. They can include avoiding people, objects, or seeking some type of relief to protect ourselves. However, more than likely..these intentional behaviors that turn into compulsions typically only provide temporary comfort.
Need it to make more sense? Let’s say a person has intrusive thoughts of harming others. This individual might have an uncontrolled and unwanted thought pattern of violent imagery accompanied by weapons. A compulsive behavior to back up this fear would be this person constantly removing sharp objects from their home(no knives) or avoiding scissors or any other type of potential weapon. This compulsive behavior may work momentarily and help them believe(again in the moment) that because there are no immediate weapons around.. then their thoughts/fears can never manifest into reality. However, this is not true. The reality of the matter is, you can’t always control what objects are in your immediate surroundings. And honestly speaking, if you are a violent person…your violence will manifest itself regardless. Nevertheless, if these are just precautious thoughts and you don’t have violent intentions…what are these compulsive behaviors actually accomplishing?
The key factor in understanding intrusive thoughts is separating facts from speculations/ assumptions. It is important to understand that our minds can cause us to piece together puzzles that truly don’t exist. These repetitive thoughts are not always, “signs.” Intrusive thoughts become so significant and overwhelming because most people tend to constantly replay these thoughts or images in their head because they are driven by anxiety. Some people consider their fixations truly shameful and because they aren’t expressing these fears.. they become kind of stuck in their own heads. Intrusive thoughts can happen randomly. But they can also stem from or be correlated to disorders such as post traumatic stress disorder, brain injuries, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc.
It’s important to understand that some thoughts occur because we have fears. Some irrational and some may not be. If you have the fear of someone breaking into your house, you may develop a compulsive behavior of checking the locks every 5 minutes. Is it normal to fear someone breaking into your house? Yes. Is it normal to check your locks every 5 minutes..not so much. So how do you stop these thoughts? Below I will provide a link to a super helpful video on moodsmith.com . But, in summary from a self-help standpoint you can: stop taking your thoughts so literal (sometimes thoughts are truly random and just pop up out of no where), stop befriending your thoughts with compulsive behaviors because this just further supports the thoughts and again ONLY provides temporary comfort, accept thoughts but do not let these thoughts define you. So to piggyback off of the example earlier. An individual might experience violent thoughts periodically that confuse them. But this does not mean this is their true nature. HOWEVER— if you experience thoughts NONSTOP… if intrusive thoughts become unbearable, and difficult to manage and cannot be redirected with simple self talk and reflection; please seek clinical help. Please contact mental health attention, therapy, or a doctor for any diagnosis of intrusive thoughts or any further clarity you may need. No one should have to harbor repetitive and uncontrollable thoughts or behaviors alone or without proper diagnosis.
For more information about intrusive thoughts regarding intrusive thoughts please check out:
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/intrusive-thoughts
https://moodsmith.com/intrusive-thoughts/
https://www.northpointrecovery.com/blog/7-tips-deal-stop-intrusive-thoughts/
1-13-19
How Does Social Media Affect your Mental Health Pt. II (Positive Techniques for Social Media Usage)
Last week, we addressed the potential dangers that social media usage can have on mental health. To recap, social media can be a hell of a drug. The Centre for Mental Health says that social media can be more addictive than alcohol and cigarettes. Social media plays such a big role in our lives today and if we are not careful…it will take a large toll on our mental health. It can cause us to have unrealistic expectations of ourselves because of comparison. You might even feel like you’re missing out because others are broadcasting the moments they are in, while the chapter you’re in feels unproductive and unsuccessful. But, social media was created to engage its user’s attention right? People become famous from YouTube, promote their brands on Instagram, and tell crude but funny jokes on Twitter; so there has to be some good use of it. Right?
A lot of people suggest fasting from social media when it becomes an issue or the center of your being. You know when you’ve become too consumed with social media, it’s just this feeling you get. I know I’ve gotten caught up when before I pray and thank God for waking me up, I reach over and open my social apps. Like who is really that important to be lurking as soon as my eyes meet light? I think we need to ALL learn how to use social media positively and to our benefits. There is so much productivity that can come from social media as I mentioned before, so let’s dive right into it:
-Utilize social media apps and websites that promote making professional connections. Sure, we make romantic and friendly connections from Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. If you’re lucky and strategic, you make a business connection on any of these as well. But what about those websites created solely for networking. Let me tell yall something, LinkedIn is the goat, especially when used properly. There are so many cool hacks and hashtags you can use to get people to recognize what you’re doing. Have your friends endorse you for leadership, ingenuity, and all of your other talents. Brag on yourself, post your accomplishments. People live for this on here(not too many haters on LinkedIn) and will love your posts!What does this do? This creates traffic to your page baby. Make yourself an account on kellyservices.us, they respond overnight and I kid you not.Invest in yourself and go after that dream job. Jobcase is not too bad either. And if you insist on sticking to what you know, make a thread on Twitter. Invite others to network and raise awareness to those who are young and talented.
-Give yourself limits. Discipline is normally the first step for most problems. A lot of us kind of go on these frenzies and delete all of our socials. While they may work for some, it doesn’t work for others. I can tell you for sure it isn’t my first choice. No, I’m not a social media feign. But I do like to go scroll crazy from time to time. I realized I got to take it step by step. I hated the screen time feature on the update... but found it to be quite helpful. You can even give yourself a daily limit on your addicting social media accounts (make sure you actually adhere to it lol). Also I suggest creating balance. If I know I’ve been tweeting away or posting a lot on my IG snap story, I balance it out with exhausting the same amount of energy into a positive book, podcast, or something that will water my brain. Follow some cool accounts that are relevant to your interests so you can at least know you’re educating yourself. And for the love everything that is right...eliminate anything social outlets that could potentially make you upset. Yes most posts on social media are harmful, but not for everyone. You may not be being sensitive. If it offends you, mute it, block it, or whatever you have to do. It’s your space so make it as safe for your brain as possible. I lastly recommend not falling asleep while on social media. You want to wake up with with a productive mindset so why not falling asleep doing something of that sort?
1-6-2020
How Does Social Media Affect Your Mental Health Pt. 1
If you’re reading this, well consider yourself lucky! Why? Because this is the FIRST Mental Monday of 2020! This post, is dedicated to something we all know and love. Social media. Social Media is a big part of our lives, whether we fail to admit it or not. It has the power to help us secure jobs and network with others in our professions. Shoutout to LinkedIn and Indeed because my last five jobs resulted from them. Access to social media also has the power to be informative. Take Twitter for instance. Forget Channel 3 News, you can find out the weather and if you go on the the explore page you can find out what celebrity did what, what’s trending in your area, laugh at a couple of inappropriate memes, and then cry as you witness your president tweeting. So if social media is so abundant and useful, what could possibly be wrong with it? Well as a wise man once said.. too much of anything can be bad.
The use of social media does have the potential to affect one’s mental. I’m going to take a step back and take off my analytical, statistical, and research hat. My further explanations will be from a personal view. The majority of those who read my posts are in their twenties. And as I preach numerous times, this is a huge transitional stage. Some of us are in school, trying to advance in our jobs, getting our first real jobs, or trying to get a job period. Then some are married, have kids, securing a home, or all of the above. Some people are financially stable and some are living check to check praying for a breakthrough. Regardless of the variation of our livelihoods during these young adult ages, we still find someway to post our highs. And although transparency pieces are a growing thing, who do you know reporting their low moments. So imagine being at your lowest, i.e.: losing a job, graduating school with uncertainty, facing constant rejections, experiencing a fresh break up.. and you get on social media. You may just experience some depression. Because for some reason, when you’re down and out… it seems like the whole world is on a better kick than you. It seems like you’ll never be enough. Why? It’s because we compare ourselves with close friends and strangers who if we are being honest.. truly know NOTHING about. When I graduated college, I promise you I did not truly enjoy the fruit of my labor. I was on Facebook or Instagram.. watching people announce their big time jobs, getting accepting into graduate school, the list goes on. I took several social media breaks during that 6 months post graduation. Because my mental was a zoo. I laugh because I quit my good paying job, that I was advancing in.. because I felt like I had something to prove(end up getting a job in my field that was a flop..and not shaking back until 3 months). To myself? Maybe? Side note: The grass isn’t always greener.
Social media also can also cause anxiety.. bad. Like simply the freaking news reports. We laugh and make jokes about the state of the economy.. but we are all terrified, are we not? Plus a lot of us open our apps before we even brush our teeth, so that stuff hits us FRESH. Or not to mention the anxiety and fear that stirs up when we see that like the 500th black girl has gone missing within the last six months. And Instagram. You could have hyped yourself up to post a picture and boom. If you don’t get over 100 likes, then your confidence is in shambles.. and you.. you delete the picture or you archive it. Because who wants to look like people don’t like them or what their doing? Imagine the potential this has to negatively impact your self image, self worth, and confidence. Social media can also cause stress. Like arguing with trolls and people you’ve never met in real life. Or simply stressing over your relationship status. Relationship twitter can having you stressing over your singleness so bad and have you thinking that if you not cuffed up or married by a certain age it's a wrap.
(due to the length of this blog, part two will be posted next week)
How Attachment Styles Affect Relationships, Pt. II
Disorganized attachments form when individuals have unstable and traumatic upbringings/ backgrounds. As children, they more than likely experienced a lot of grief, abuse, maltreatment, and other traumas. Again, if these emotions and triggering memories aren’t resolved, they will bleed into adulthood and further this attachment style. Adults who have disorganized attachments can NOT handle emotional intimacy and have issues managing their emotions. They also may constantly reliving their traumas and abuse in their current relationships. This creates a sense of PTSD, emotional rage, pain, and of course depression. These individuals may feel like emotionally, they are constantly running into a brick wall. And the brick wall can represent all of the triggers, memories, and unresolved fears they have. As a result, some of these adults carry the cycle of abuse to their children, develop apathy, or abuse drugs.
Lastly, there are anxious attachment styles. Individuals with this attachment style are not to be confused with those who have avoidant attachment styles. Children who form anxious attachment styles don’t exactly experience neglect from their parents. But the care they are receiving isn’t exactly consistent either. The child may be bounced from house to house, and returns to their parents from time to time. Or one day their parent is there for them emotionally, as a parent should be. Then the next day, the parent’s behavior may shift. This child doesn’t establish any consistent trust or nurture. As adults, these individuals will constantly worry about rejection or their partner leaving them. These individuals may also come across as needy or clingy, but it’s because they are kind of ready to jump on any stability that is presented. Individuals with anxious attachment styles tend to rely heavy on emotional decisions. They will take things personal and wear their heart on their sleeves in a sense. The inconsistency experienced in childhood constantly interrupts their current relationships. And again, if these issues aren’t resolved, they become an inconsistent parent to their children.
So what does all this mean? Are you doomed if you had a traumatic or neglectful childhood? Will you experience no worries because you had loving parents and security? The answer to all of these are subjective. Of course, research tends to give us the answers for the whole. But always remember some things have to be viewed at the individual based. Also, some of these attachment styles may fluctuate due to later life events that have no correlation to one’s childhood. No one is confined to their circumstances. Some people may have to work harder than others to overcome life’s fate, but everyone can be a hero and victor in their stoy. Childhood events can make or break you, and that is why it is so important that we get to know our partners. Sometimes we jump into relationships with people we barely know and are terrified once we uncover their skeletons. Discover and know your limits, traumas, and boundaries. Yes, someone else can help you heal your brokenness, but this may not be everyone’s ideal of love. Everyone is not meant to be a healer. No one perfect, AT ALL. Everyone can benefit from healing, therapy, and self reflection. Discover your attachment style today because it really matters. To know yourself is to love yourself.
Also, realizing why people may act a certain way is a service to yourself and can really help strengthen relationships because their is an answer to your why, which can possibly create a platform for communication.
How Attachment Styles Affect Relationships, Pt. 1
The way we love, tends to reflect how we are/were loved. And although, some situations vary, we tend to be a product of our environment. If you witness stability in your household, you are more likely to want stability, right? Those who are nurtured properly, tend to have more stable relations, friendships, and have healthy self -esteem (unless some type of trauma/life altering event occurs). Whereas individuals who experience distress, neglect, or unstable security in their early years are more prone to form insecure attachment styles; which may lead to negative behaviors and outcomes. These negative behaviors may be antisocial behaviors, emotional unavailability, overly sensitivity, etc.
Secure Attachment: When someone has formed a secure attachment, they have usually been loved and nurtured properly. As a child, this person’s needs were met promptly and their distress was accompanied by right measures. Some components of setting up a secure attachment with a child would be: proper nourishment, validating emotions and positive communication, being understanding, and loving when the child encounters distress. When a child establishes a secure attachment with their caregiver, it gives them stability. The parent is viewed as a stable and secure foundation. When these children become adults, they are more likely able to experience the same benefits in relationships as they did with their parents. Adults with secure attachment styles tend to be open, honest, and supportive in their relationships. They can be independent, yet dependent when need be on their partners. These adults also usually have a good sense of self awareness, self-esteem, and are warm and able to trust others.
An avoidant attachment style is formed by parents being emotionally inaccessible or non-responsive to their child’s need. For example, a child may be anxious about the lights being off, or fear thundering and lightening. When I was younger, I was terrified of storms. So, my parents being emotionally available and responding to my distress, would explain that it was just rain and this was natural process. However, they also validated it was okay to be afraid and would let me sleep with them (responding to my needs and distress). An avoidant parent would dismiss their child in this case, and leave the child helpless to fend for their own emotions. And as simple as this example seems, it is important. Children need parents to respond to their needs, no matter how “silly” they may seem. Children look to their parents to be available when they had a bad day at school, are afraid of the dark, or are sick. But when children are rejected and their needs are neglected; they become emotionally unattached. These children then become unaffected by their caregiver’s presence as a coping mechanism. They will not be affected when the caregiver drops them off to daycare or school. As these children become adults, they become dismissive avoidant. They come off as very independent and really have no issue with cutting ties with anyone. Because of childhood neglect and their learned helplessness, they become emotionally distant and most of the time unavailable. I'd suppose if you experienced little to no emotional support as a child, (your crucial time of development) you'd form a sense of resistance to intimacy and truly believe it's just you and yourself.
Part II. Will be available next Monday, but in the meantime… read upon and discover your own attachment style. Also remember that you are not confined to an attachment style, because people change (because of proper interventions, they have loving partners or spouses, etc.) and there are many resources that help redirect behaviors. Next week I will discuss the last two styles and will give further examples of how attachment styles manifest themselves in relationships. Thanks for reading!
Workplace Stress Pt. II (Part I is below if you need to catch up)
10/21
Workplace stress, like any other form of stress has the potential to be internalized. Internalizing stress occurs when we don’t address or acknowledge our stressors. And whatever is going on in the inside is prone to come out eventually. Some physical symptoms of workplace stress are fatigue, problems sleeping, stomach problems, anxiety, and loss of interest at work. Of course, this is not limited to the many of the symptoms that can occur. I’ll speak from experience. Around this time last year, I was working a pretty good job with a nice pay. But the environment was so toxic I was not able to fully enjoy the benefits of it. I worked hard to move to another environment within the job and was legit happy. But I eventually developed apathy and loss interest in my craft. What I once enjoyed became a mental task because of all the hostility and uneasiness that was associated with the workplace environment. I truly believe if I would have proactively checked my stress and externalized it (discussing it, not being passive about it, exercising, etc.).. rather than just going and getting along...I could have advanced and thrived. But you live and learn. I’m never one who recommends allowing the actions of others to determine your job placement. As in, I used to have the mentality, “Aint nobody gonna run me out of a job. It’s them before me.” But I realized that idealization is immature and prideful. Everyone is different. Just because carrying it well, doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy. And more than often, I find that highly successful people who have these highly stressful jobs are either really miserable or really happy. Some take very good care of their health and prioritize self- care because they aren’t some rechargeable battery or force.
A few ways to reduce and tackle workplace stress:
As I said earlier, be clear of your job description. A lot of us do not read the tiny and fine print, which will more than likely give you a good overview of your responsibilities. Ask questions too, because the stupid question is the one not asked. From the pay to benefits, find out every detail.
Mind your business please. A lot of drama can be avoided if you just mind yours and the cubicle you are assigned. Healthy coworker relationships are essential, but remember this is not a high school clique. You do not need to fit in.
Be organized and prompt. If you are not working on a schedule or have a cluttered home life, your toxic work environment will really seal the deal and make your life a living hell. Been there and have the bumper sticker. Organization truly can fix most problems. So, stay on top of those deadlines.
Externalize the stress! Work out, do Zumba, enjoy your life!
Address conflict head on. Do not internalize the negativity. Do not go around cursing others out. We all know the things that are easy to ignore and those that need to be discussed. Communicate your concerns in a healthy manner.
Stop trying to multitask so much. My mom always said, if you can only do one thing.. do that one thing well. Multitasking gone wrong often leads to errors in work and burnout. Do your best but please pace yourself. You are not a robot, and you will not be perfect
And if all else fails, LEAVE THAT TOXIC **** ALONE!
So, make that money, don’t let it make you. Because when you leave this Earth, it’s not going with you!
10/7
Workplace Stress
Diamond said it best, “Make that money, don’t let it make you.” I always understood it as make the money, but don’t let it run your life. Because when it is all said and done, let’s be real. The money is making most of us. The grind is worn on our sleepless faces. Sadly money is not everything. And I hope that as you read this, that did not make you close this blog post. I know people say money cannot buy you happiness, but sometimes it will distract you with temporary happiness or pleasures. One thing for sure is that money cannot buy you a piece of mind. I am bringing up money because, that’s why we work right? Money is the motivation. If you could be rich by doing nothing or pay your bills by being cute I am sure you would not be going to work every day. With that being said, the majority of us work. And the greater majority does not like their job. I am all about doing what you got to do, until you have what you need and want. I understand the meaning of sacrifices and grinding it out. But, I have also realized that tolerating stressful work situations can put you in the grave quicker than the negative health risks of eating a Popeye’s Chicken sandwich every day.
There is no job that ensures zero percent of stress. And even when you are a boss, entrepreneur, or scammer; regardless there are risks and an escalated amount of stress at each level. Stress is your body’s response to your environment. No one’s environment will ever be stable unless you live in a box, so stress is inevitable. However, I am going to pick on us millennials for a second! We tolerate too much workspace stress. As broke, rude, and annoying as the articles describe our generation to be; we are hard workers. We will work long hours at an unpromising job to support our needs and not complain one bit. A “Working is so ghetto,” tweet here and there.. but who is counting. Consequently, I think an early sign in developing workplace stress is unclear boundaries and expectations. You have to know your limits. Ain’t it crazy how when you interview for a job, you can be given a set schedule. And you are cool with the schedule and it accommodates your needs. Three months later, you end up basically opening and closing every single Friday. When from the jump.. you were supposed to be working an 8-3 on weekdays. Now you hate your job, and are boarder line about to go off every given chance. You are wondering, why they don’t ask Keisha. You know why? Because Keisha said no. Every time. Now granted, every job has different demands. And we all know overtime equals more money. But, you should not be passively agreeing to carry out tasks you did not agree too. Because when you are working long hours and do not have a set schedule, your sleep pattern is thrown off right? When your sleep pattern is thrown off, you will experience irritability or your work performance will suffer. So now you have multitude of problems. It is crucial to develop a clear understanding. Find out what you are getting yourself into from the beginning. I know a lot of us do not like asking questions. But truth be told, if you would have asked the questions you had when you applied for the job you could’ve decided honestly if this was the predicament you wanted to be in.
Stress in the workplace can also be triggered by toxic environments. Sure, every person at a job will not be saints. Yet, there are some jobs that are so heavily saturated with negativity you almost want to vomit. Of course, you will never experience a perfect place of work, but you must start using your better judgement. If you are at a job where people are constantly complaining and hate management, I can guarantee that within the next couple of months you will feel the same. Feelings are contagious and if you are not aware of it, people will bleed their toxicity right on to you. You must be picky about who you get personal with at work. If you know me,
(Due to the length of this post it has been split into two parts. Tune in for part two, next week.)
9/30
Solitude Vs. Loneliness
I felt like this discussion was a very important to have. Often, so much noise surrounds us. And when I say noise, I do not mean loud voices or elements of the environment. I mean the noises that interrupt us from clarity and simply enjoying the present moment. Busy work schedules, constantly being on the scene, always feeling compelled to fulfill others’ obligations and demands. Because we experience these constant noises and interruptions day to day, we might fine it strange when we actually have down time. Most of us might not even know what to do when we are not busy and we are just alone with our thoughts. Some of us might even interpret the silence and lack of activity as a bad thing. We misinterpret the opportunity to enjoy peace/ solitude for suffering in loneliness. For the sake of this misconception, let us explore the difference between the two. What is loneliness? What is solitude. Which is negative and which is positive?
For starters, loneliness, and solitude trigger two different emotions. With solitude, you experience a positive mindset, while with loneliness there is negative mindset associated. When someone is experiencing solitude, they are experiencing peace with being alone. Everyone’s definition of solitude is different. Solitude for me is deep conditioning my hair, doing a face mask, and taking a long bath. Accompanied with these self-care rituals, I also choose not to answer the phone. This is my peace, this is my alone time. This is when I get my best ideas and strategies, when I am alone in solitude. When you are experiencing solitude, you are not sad. You also realize you are not alone in the world or trapped in your thoughts, you are just alone for the moment experiencing peace. Enjoying solitude (being alone but not lonely) for others may look like journaling, blogging, binge watching a series, or simply doing nothing.
Loneliness is a negative emotion. People who feel like they are lonely feel like they have no one despite the number of friends and family that seem readily available to them. Loneliness can be felt even in a room full of people. You can experience feelings of loneliness when you are not comfortable being alone. That seems like a shallow statement, but dig into it. Everyone is not okay with themselves and some of us have unresolved issues that we have yet to face. As a result, when we are no longer faced by our normal distractions we cannot face ourselves because we are constantly running from our voids. When people feel lonely, they normally isolate and isolation is not the healthiest coping mechanism. Humans need healthy interactions and we all have the desire to feel accepted and loved by others. You ever saw the pyramid of the needs of humans? It is called Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Right under self-actualization is esteem. Esteem is a desire of humans that is above love, safety, and physiological needs. We all want to be respected and admired by others. So, do not get confused, even the most comfortable people who are okay with alone and solitude crave being accepted and liked. There just should be a healthy balance. You cannot be so caught up in the affairs of others that you do not care for yourself and give your mind a rest. Learning to enjoy solitude is a journey. Some of us are better at being alone than others. It took me 21 and a half years to truly understand the joy of enjoying solitude. Btw I am 23! Being such a social butterfly, it took me forever to realize the importance of enjoying my own space and prioritizing alone time to rejuvenate. When you embrace solitude instead of thinking of it as loneliness, you can discover new talents, dreams, and learn so many cool things about yourself. Even when you feel like you do not have the down time, make it a priority to disconnect and regroup.
On the flipside, maybe you are not there yet? Maybe the feeling of loneliness constantly stalks you? For one, please reach out to someone. A therapist, a trusted adult or friend, a support group, or church. Link with someone. You do not need to go through this feeling alone. Positive relations are powerful. Also, don’t go through it. Grow through it. Understand what is making you feel like this. Journal these experiences and get to the root of these negative emotions. Maybe there was sudden change in your life or you feel disconnected from a friend? And please develop a healthy hobby or habit. A positive one at that. When we put our energy into positive things like reading, exercising, or other uplifting things..we can exert that mental energy elsewhere. The problem will more than become smaller than you imagined if you focus on other positive elements of your life. And remember, when people can’t be depended on and give you the peace you deserve.. God says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” That’s a promise for life. Sometimes when we feel the lowest and most abandoned, God is right on the other side of a prayer. So, you’re never truly “alone”.
With love,
SeauxRaven
9/23
Men Vs Mental health
We have heard big girls do not cry. But let’s be honest, as women we have the platform to cry. No matter how hard of an exterior we put up, how strong and independent we portray ourselves; crying and expressing any form of emotion is stereotypical of a woman. What about men? No matter how far you go back in history, men have the same role. Men are expected to be the head of the house hold, breadwinner, fearless, and not break a sweat while trying to make the impossible happen. No emotions whatsoever. Boys are supposed to play sports and be aggressive. However, whenever a man does not fit the societal norms of a “true man”, they are labeled. If a man cries, he may be called soft or told man up. If men wear certain clothes their sexuality may be questioned. And God forbid, a man expresses himself, he will be called a female. And isn’t that strange? When did females become the only creatures capable of expressing emotions?
It starts young, as I said before. It is generational. Boys are taught not cry, limit emotional outbursts, and fulfill this aggressive male role. When boys seem “sensitive”, their actions are compared to their sisters or other girls. This causes a resistance to emotion. I would like to call it toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is act of dismissing and discouraging emotions (other than anger) in men. Toxic masculinity is why we have our some of the best music from Future, but that is a discussion for another day. The longer the suppression (hiding or disregarding) of emotions continues, the worst-off men are. And like anybody with unresolved feelings and emotions, depression is a very likely outcome.
Depression presents itself differently in men and women. Common depression signs in men are tiredness, erectile dysfunction, not being able to concentrate, abuse of street drugs (Future went codeine crazy remember), and suicidal thoughts. Yet, these might not be easy to spot from the outside looking in because most men have such a negative association with their emotions! Rob Whitely called the state of men’s mental health, “A Silent Crisis.” 6 million men are affected by depression per year. Using critical thinking, you can assume most these men are not properly diagnosed or seeing a therapist to help manage it. Why? The “I got it,” mentality. You thought the black woman thought she could do bad all bad herself? HA! Try asking a man to go for his yearly physical, or if he has cold to see a doctor. So, if men don’t think they need to a regular, non-specialty doctor….what makes you think they are going to see a psychologist? You take a guest and get back with me on that. According to Imugur.com, men are less likely than women to ask for help when dealing with depression, drug abuse, and other stressors because of: social expectations of men, making things seem less than what they are, and the resistance of other to talk.
The Big 5 Mental illnesses Men Deal With:
DEPRESSION (6 million +)
ANXIETY (19 million 18-54)
BIPOLAR DISORDER (2.3 million)
PSYCHOSIS AND SCIZOPHRENIA (3.5 million)
EATING DISORDERS
Change of course, starts from within. However, our actions influence positive or negative change. Imagine you have a rare disease or cancer. If all you hear people’s negatives opinions and assumptions regarding it, would you share the pain you are going through? Of course not, no one wants to be seen as a “freak”, or assumed they are a walking death sentence. The same sensitivity we show towards the sick, the elderly, and any marginalized group; we should show towards mental health in men. No more, “Man up.” Stop calling men slurs such as, fag or gay, when they express any form of emotion. Women if you have a partner who is a bit more emotional than other guys you have dealt with… do not dismiss their feelings. We talk about men wanting their girlfriends to be their therapist. But what if they truly need one! No one has the capacity to be a therapist unless they are truly one, so be a good friend and link them to one. We must create a safe space males’ emotions and mental health. If not, the suppression of emotions will continue. Depression, suicide, and other horrible consequences will manifest. Parents, raise your sons to recognize and be in touch with their emotions so they do not grow up with inability to feel or express emotions and ruin someone’s daughter’s life because of the toxic masculinity you taught them. Males, hold your friends accountable. Be concerned and embrace healthy mental health among your bros. And if you are a man who is struggle with your mental health, don’t be afraid to seek help. The more we talk about the stigma, the wrongful assumptions, and the solutions; the better we can normalize the concern for Men’s Mental Health.
Resources: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/black-men-mental-health-challenges-therapy/
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/how-can-we-reduce-mens-mental-health-stigma
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-men/201702/mens-mental-health-silent-crisis
https://www.mantherapy.org
9/9 Social Anxiety and Panic Disorder, Forms of Anxiety Disorder
Kanye said it best, we are all self conscious. But he was just the first to admit it. Yet, being overly self conscious has its limits. It’s okay to be a little irritated by crowds at times. And it’s okay for your social battery to run down and have the urge to go inside to recover. However, it is not okay/ normal for you to be constantly be worried or experience anxiety when it comes to dealing with people. This is called social anxiety. Social anxiety IS a disorder. People who have social anxiety disorder are irritated with regular social interactions because they provoke an unexplainable anxiety or worry, fear, and even humiliation. For example, someone who experiences social anxiety might struggle going to restaurants, because maybe they have an irrational explanation that they are “overweight.” So anything from a joking waiter or innocent bystander may contribute to this worry they already have about themselves, causing them to feel like they are the center of attention. It may also be hard for someone who has social anxiety to meet new people, speak in front of others, or go to large populated areas. It is important to realize that social anxiety can also be called a social phobia. A phobia is an EXTREME or irrational fear of or an aversion to something. In simple words, people who suffer from social anxiety.. FEAR social interactions. It makes them nervous. It makes them sick to their stomach. Note, social anxiety and anti social behavior are DIFFERENT. Being anti social is not wanting the company of others or being a bit unfriendly. People with social anxiety cannot tolerate social interactions. People who are anti social behavior would RATHER not be around people or demonstrate unfriendliness; but this is a choice that is not geared behind fear.
Then there is panic disorder, another component of anxiety. With panic disorder, there are unpredictable and continual episodes of fear. Along with these unpredictable episodes of fear, is pain. This pain can be short breaths, light headedness, or either stomach problems. Don’t get me wrong, it is totally okay to be afraid sometimes. Life itself is unpredictable and throws some major curveballs at us. BUT, remember! Fear and anxiety(particularly panic disorder) may happen at the same time, but they are not identical twins. They are not synonymous. Your body reacts in fear when there is a CLEAR threat. So, if you are walking in a dark alley and a big angry dog comes out of nowhere and tries to attack you, your body might respond by running. Or you might cry a little bit or even break into a sweat. The darkness, unfamiliar setting, and animal are ALL threats. This is normal fear or slight anxiety. Now let’s say you are in college and you are determined to make all A’s. You stay up all night and study frequently. But, internally you have this huge test anxiety. So when you go take your test, no matter how much you have studied.. you freak out. Your chest starts hurting, you cannot breath, and you even feel pain all over. THIS, my friend may be a panic disorder. Why? Because there is no clear threat. You have studied and prepared yourself. This is more of a psychological issue that has now become internalized and has now caused a panic attack.
Help:
Social anxiety & Panic Disorder: Confront the negative thoughts. A therapist told my class that sometimes you have to give yourself about 15 seconds to worry. After that, wrap it up. No more negativity. She also said that keeping track of how often episodes of social anxiety or panic episodes happen is very helpful. You need to understand the WHY behind the issue. Keep a journal. Someone even told me they keep a rubber band and every time they have a negative thought time they pop it. (I AM NOT PROMOTING SELF HARM) Now imagine, you are going to change your behavior or at least seek help if you are going through rubber bands frequently due to your anxiety. With social anxiety, brainstorm and find out what makes you fear being around people. Maybe ,you have a speech problem? Maybe, you struggle with low self esteem. If you can understand why you feel a certain way, then you can more than likely strategize how to fix the problem. Also focus on facts. When you are talking to someone or in a public setting. Don’t make up what you THINK others are saying. Don’t assume others don’t like you or are judging you. Be present. And with either of these situations BREATHE. And I promise you, I’m telling you what I know and not what I heard. Breathing is powerful. Remember if these tips are not helpful enough or you think you need medical advice or an intervention please use the resources in this thread to contact a therapist. I hope this helps someone. Xoxoxxoxoox- SeauxRaven
9/2
HAPPY LABOR DAY!
Let’s talk about anxiety. Our generation tends to use the term like parsley at times. And it is not to take away from people who feel anxious at times, but there is a difference between temporary feeling of anxiousness and having an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorder is a mental health condition that is defined by having feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear that interrupts your daily routines. Anxiety and stress are mistaken for another as well. Stress is the feeling of being overwhelmed. Typically, we become stressed by life factors such as work, traffic, relationships, etc. Anxiety is NOT stress, but can form from TOO much stress. It’s like this. If you are continually stressed about some aspect of life and you are not actively finding ways to get rid of the stressor, the stress then pairs with a fear. The fear or doubt is centered by whatever you are stressed about. Then you develop anxiety. Anxiety causes chest pains, shortness of breath, and even fainting.
Today, let’s discuss Generalized Anxiety:
Generalized anxiety – feeling irritable, frequent nervousness, sweating, sleep disturbances, and gastrointestinal symptoms aka the bubble guts. About 6.8 million adults have generalized anxiety. And what is crazy, is general anxiety develops for a lot of people before they are 21 years old. The biggest cause of this disorder is long exposure to stressful environments. And guess what people are a part of environments.
Help- I am a big advocate for therapy, so of course you already know that is my suggestion. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)however is specific therapy that is great with helping people how to retrain their brains on how to react to situations. CBT helps people who suffer from negative thought processes and learn how to redirect them. Don’t get me wrong, we all fall victim to negative thinking at time. But having constant negative thoughts or fears that result in stomach problems, lack of sleep, and simply NO peace of mind…is not healthy. I am not a therapist, YET, so I will never recommend any type of medicine usage. I will say that Whole Foods, and just general vitamin shops have great natural supplements and herbs that aid anxiety.
CalmRemedies.com recommends: B-Vitamins, Chamomile, Passionflower, Ashwagandha, Kava Kava, and L-Theanie. Of course, whenever you want to try something new for your body, PLEASE do your research. Different things affect people differently.
I hope this helps someone. A lot of young adults experience anxiety and have no clue. Constant worry and doubt, not being able to sleep at night; again, it is not normal. It all starts with stress management. Do your best to remove yourself from stressful people, jobs, or anything that could constantly dominate your mind when it should not. A great resource for generalized anxiety disorder is eddinscounseling.com.
Xoxoxxoxoxoxox- SeauxRaven
8/26
How to manage your mental health day to day: Healthy mind redirection
Thoughts to some are simple, but they are far more complex than you could ever imagine. As I mentioned in the last post, seeing yourself in a certain light is starts with THOUGHTS. You might not suffer from a mental disorder or struggle to destigmatize yourself from the labels that come with it. However, we can ALL benefit from positive thinking and redirecting negative thoughts. You are you biggest critic unbelievably! You must give yourself some slack, but do not slack off. That makes sense, right? Give yourself chances to casually mess up. You do not know everything, and you should know by now that failure creates a drive in us to perfect our mistakes. But do not be in a state of not acknowledging your wrong doings and redirecting them. You should check yourself. But there is a way to do it. Here is an example. My first day of graduate school was last week, and my campus is HUGE! Like TOO big. So, I packed all my things the night before, scheduled to get off 2 hours early from work, I DID EVERYTHING TO PREPARE MYSELF. That is, it. That is the tweet. Well after arriving to campus and hour and a half early, would you believe I still was not early to class I got there with a minute to spare. One, I was too stubborn to buy a parking pass. So, I had to park LORD knows where. Then, I paid the wrong meter… for my spot.. later realizing that I had to buy another ticket. Needless to say, I was in a horrible mood. I had called myself a stupid ***** at least 12 times in my head. It was getting ugly. Then I stopped and adjusted my head. “This don’t have to be no bad day Raven. You did what you could, next time you know what not to do. This is going to be what you make it.” Moral of the story, I could not give a simple mistake the power to send me into a spiral of anxiety and doubt. It was not worth it and it was not a permanent state.
What about you? We often left temporary situations and mess-ups to have so much impact on how we view ourselves. Not just you, me too. That is not cool. Be gentle and loving with yourself. That is some excellent self-care that no clay mask or candle can compare to. Adjust the harsh judgement you think towards yourself and start doing corrective thinking. “This didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, but I’m doing the best I can.” Or, “I really could have done better but next time I will. Whatever consequences come from this mistake I accept, but they don’t define me.” Affirm yourself constantly throughout the day. That does not make you insecure, that makes you human. Humans need affirmation, and you need to have stable mind that is not negative towards you.
How do mindfully I redirect my thoughts and improve my mindset throughout the day: I have scriptures on my mirror that will help aid me with whatever emotion I might be feeling, I have begun creating boundaries and don’t let certain people have input in my life because I know their words might be harmful for my mental capacity, I constantly tell myself, “You are doing the best you can and in time it will pay off.”
8/19
For this first Mental Monday, don’t think you are opening anything
super intense. Pure reflection and mild information. Talk a read and reflect.
It is okay to not be okay. Often my friends and I constantly remind each other of that. We all tend to put on this tough exterior, feeling afraid to be vulnerable and seen. We often suppress emotions and keep a smile plastered across our faces. But enough is enough, and I am here to tell you that is not okay. When you notice certain patterns, certain emotions that keep manifesting, certain triggers... your mental health is suffering. Everyday should not be a bad day. Mental health is just as important as your physical, if not more important. Proverbs 23:7 says, “As a man thinketh, so is he.” That means whatever is going on in your mind, whatever thoughts drive your decisions... that is who you are. So, if you are constantly feeling sad, suicidal, unmotivated, or anxious... that is who you are going to think YOU are. Most of society does not realize that mental disorders and illnesses do not define people. If Laura has severe depression, and shows some antisocial behaviors at times; that is just symptomatic of her illness. When you see Laura, you should not think... “Oh that’s just depressed Laura.” Or, “Laura is so antisocial.” No, Laura is not defined by her depression. She just happens to have depression, but depression does not have her. Get it? When you view it from that angle, there is less room for judgment. And when mental health is treated with a helping hand, rather than a pointing finger; healthy change and conversations will finally occur.
It is very important know to realize that we... you, your mother, father, close friend, sibling ... may be fighting a battle with mental illness. And a lot of people say this in passing, but it is very true. According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illnesses), at LEAST 1 out of 5 adults in the United States suffers from mental illness throughout the year. That is 46.6 million people. That should not frighten you, but extremely enlighten you. And as large as these numbers are, people still have the audacity to not discuss these issues. It is okay to talk about suicide. It is okay to talk about anxiety. It is NOT okay to not talk about mental health issues or the tragedies that happen when they are not properly discussed. When people do not feel like they can discuss these issues in safe places, then the stigmas and cycles continue. Everybody does not just want attention. Some people are truly suffering, so how dare we not talk about this situation at hand? The bridge must be gapped. But as long there is ignorance, there will be no change. Inform yourself. No, everyone is not equipped to be mental health advocates, so do not think that is what I am endorsing or heading to. I would love for us all to be, but it is not everyone’s desire. But, do have a truth moment and look deep inside and figure out if you are okay. And I stress you, because if YOU are not okay.. you cannot help anyone be better. Often, I go on blog a blog hiatus. Why? Because how dare me try to spread love and wisdom if I need to refill my spirit. How can you pour water in a cup with an empty pitcher? On this first #MentalMonday, I challenge you. Review your summer....
Has there been a change in your personality?
Have you experienced unexplainable anxiety, anger, or irritability?
How is your self care and hygiene? Have you been engaging in risky behaviors?
It is okay to be alone, but have you been isolating yourself a bit too much?
Do you feel hopeless? Do you feel like a situation will never get better?
If the answer is yes, to any of these; your mental health might be at risk or suffering.
Here are a few resources:
If you feel like you are in a crisis or need to talk :1-800-273-TALK.
If you would like to find a therapist near you, download this app: Better Help- Online Counseling
If you are a black woman and would like to seek a black therapist in your area visit: therapyforblackgirls.com
And if you want to boost your mental health and would like some tips on practical self-care, visit : https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/31-tips-boost-your-mental-health