Intro:
College...is lengthy to say the least. You learn soooooo much. In college you learn time management, algebra, British literature, and many other subjects that make you question your education. Yet, college was not just an educational learning experience for me. College really taught me so much more than books. I learned that some of my peers were in relationships depending on who was asking. I realized that I might have to form uncomfortable relationships with people of different backgrounds to thrive and pass a class. I picked up a few pointers on how to keep enough information to pass a test, but not exactly learn the material. I even gained lifelong friendships in college. I met a couple of my bridesmaids to be exact. I met someone who I considered my first love and got played…for three years, on and off to be exact. But honestly, I appreciate these lessons because they molded me into a very strong individual. More than anything, once I graduated college… I realized what college FAILED to teach me. Welcome to the Miseducation of the Average College Student. In this series, I will share with you all the deceptions and failed lessons the average college students experiences.
Chapter 1: Security
I think college gives most of us a sense of security. Think about it for a second. You could be broke, heartbroken, failing most your classes… but then you think, “Wow at least I’m in college, right?” Like why does being in college justify you having zero declining balance on your meal card. How does being in college justify experiencing depression, happiness, and anger all in one day? I believe college provides us with a false sense of security. And because of this false sense of reality and security... most of us go into shock once we secure the degree. We thought these emotions were just relevant to undergrad. Society has this assumption that college is for everyone and a degree makes you God’s gift to earth. But this is not true. Because as soon as you graduate, that security is ripped away. No one tells you that after you get that degree, 95% of you will not get a job in your field immeadiately. A college degree will not earn you respect enough for customers to stop talking to you like you are the scum under the feet. When I graduated from college, it was and STILL is a huge adjustment. I was so involved in college and immersed in the social scene at times, that it never hit me what would happen once I ended my undergraduate career. To be completely honest, once I graduated college I became insecure in my future. No person or book could have prepared me for the $200 test I had to take (which had NOTHING to do with my degree) to prove I was qualified and “smart enough” for graduate school. No lecture helped me adjust to once seeing my friends every day, to barely at all. No subject or advisor told me how hard it would be to get a legit job in my field and that I might have to suck it up and work retail until things fell into place. They do not tell you in college to trust the process and that if you pray and cry hard enough... everything might be okay.
They do not tell you how rough it is to transition from going to class every day, to working a 9-5 that is zero percent motivating. Like let’s just be honest. Unless you are in a major that allows to get some type of certification upon graduation, you are out of luck. You MUST go back to school. You have to swim in a deeper pool of debt. And I do not mean to be a downer, because when it comes to future in psychology, I will do and endure whatever to earn my Ph.D. one day. Because I am that dedicated. However, dedication was not bound to college and its successes for me. My dedication came from all the chaos and ups and downs I endured in college... I became dedicated after repeating statistics three times. Dedication came from me applying to at least 50 jobs post-graduation and only getting THREE interviews. Dedication came from my department head frowning at my silly freshman grades college and questioning my future. Then using that negativity, I was determined to master my remaining years in college. Then, by the grace of God, I got accepted into my top pick graduate school. Why am I telling you all of this? College does not define you and please do not lean on it too heavily to fulfill you as an intellect. You are a different person before college, during college, and once you graduate college. And in these stages, your security will be shifted, lifted, and sometimes broken.
College even gives you the security to go out when you want and hang with whoever. But once, you graduate, you become so hypersensitive to others’ perception of you. Every time I go somewhere I wonder if people think, “she is too old to be here, didn’t she graduate.” And as a grown adult, you should be go wherever and be able to hang with anyone you would like without the opinions of others. The miseducation of the average college student... is believing you will not have to lean on your parents or support system as heavily. We were fooled into believing that not having money and living check to check was a temporary undergraduate activity. A LIE. A college degree does NOT equate to security, particularly financial security. I cannot express how humbling graduating has been for me. I have had to use resources and ask my parents for things I have not asked for in years. As I close this chapter… remember this content it is not meant to be viewed as negatively. View this chapter as a source of help, but reality. During college and post-college, you might have to sit out a semester to figure things out. You might have to take a break from social media so you won’t unconsciously measure yourself against your peers who are thriving, and feel as if you are not doing enough. You might have to talk to a professional and have a therapy session. You might have to boost your self-care up to three days a week just so you wont lose your peace of mind. But just know, you will have to build a security for yourself that is not bound to that degree….
The Misconception of Wealth (5/8/19)
So I saw this tweet that was really triggering, but nevertheless extremely relatable. I might be quoting it a little off, but it said, “You work hard for several years to achieve one of the most important accomplishments in your life. And afterwards, you literally are starting over… literally back to the basics.” That was so real for me. When you graduate college, unless you have everything mapped out already, you will definitely experience this awkward (and confusing) pause in your life. And what you in during that pause determines your well being for rest of your life. You aren’t really able to take an actual mental break or check out for a second. You’re an actual adult who can make whatever decisions you want. But your decisions you make now determine your income and how you live. (invisible ink) FOREVER.
Money makes the world go round. Despite social norms and practices from the past, nobody wants to work a dull job and retire at the age of 60. You have 40 years (if God spares you) to reap those benefits. That’s not the way to live. I encourage anyone who reads this; post college or currently enrolled, please educate yourself financially. Work hard, but work smart. When you graduate don’t just jump into a job without any benefits. Find a legit 401K plan. Figure out what you’re going to do once you are dropped from mom and dad’s insurance. If you have ton of loans, don’t ignore them. Research jobs that allow debt forgiveness. Recently my friend made me aware that if you work for a nonprofit, you can receive loan forgiveness. Like there is so much financial education we aren’t made aware of in college. Some of us don’t even know how to fill out a FAFSA form. Some of us have been independent forever, but some of us don’t know the least about it. Have an egg nest set to the side for post grad life. Saving is so important. Living check to check is a constant joke among our generation, but it isn’t ideal. You should go hard in your 20’s and break the generational curses of working hard and long with no early rewards.
Contrary to popular belief, you will not be extremely wealthy with a Bachelor’s degree. Unless you finesse degree. You will more than likely have to work a couple of jobs if you don’t land really good one. And if you’re a creative, you probably can’t drop that 9-5 because you have to finance your brand. There is a need for proactive financial literacy, rather than reactive financial literacy. But enough complaining. It’s up to you. Your postgrad years can be worth wild if you are strategic. You have nothing to prove. Again, you have nothing to prove. If you don’t have the means to jet off to another state after college... stay low. Live with your parents and stack your money up. Everybody is dealt with the hand they’re given; but despite what people are tweeting, anyone would good sense would die to live rent and bill free. You got to get it how you live, so do you. But if you are in a situation where you have the opportunity to save or utilize resources, CATCH THAT JET. People often speak on what they don’t know about. So please, by no means don’t let “popular opinion” dictate your money moves. Educate yourself and do what is best for you. Period.
IMPOSTER SYNDROME
Last week I was at orientation for graduate school. Overall, I was super excited sitting in the auditorium while listening to the different speakers. But, I wonder if I could have truly experienced every ounce of happiness I deserved.. if my mind was not so full of negativity. I kept thinking, “How did I get here?” Or, “Wow, can I actually do this?” The questioning went ON and ON. And if you know me, you know my mind is a BUSY place. Moral of the story, I truly had an imposter moment. Was I truly the Raven I thought I was? Is everyone looking at me wondering, “Why is she here?” Imposter Syndrome is the persistent inability to believe that your success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved because of your own efforts or skills. If you watched the video above, it illustrates this syndrome. The narrator even mentions Maya Angelou and Albert Einstein feeling unworthy and undeserving of their accomplishments. Two of the most successful people in history felt like imposters. Like, Einstein was a GENIUS, and still was insecure. Then, imagine writing one of most recited poems, “Still I Rise”. And you feel you aint that WOMAN. Maya still felt like she had to go harder! If that does not comfort you, then I do not know what else will. When you are a very successful individual or even someone who sets incredible standards for yourself; more than likely you will feel like you are never doing enough. It is great to have ambition, but very ambitious people often suffer from anxiety. Too much going in your brain . We never feel like “it” is enough.
For recent graduates, the imposter syndrome strikes many. Imposter syndrome is also known as a PHENOMENON. Why? Because that is how much it is widely experienced. That means YOU are NOT ALONE. However, if you do not take these private feelings of doubt and insecurity under control... you can do a lot of damage. This is pluralistic ignorance. It means being unsure and questioning yourself; thinking you only experience this because others are not sharing their insecurities. And I get it. We live in a social media era. Nothing is left unsaid. But just because someone does not create a platform to speak about something… it does not mean they are not experiencing what you are… if not worse. Take post graduate depression for instance. SO MANY people have BEEN experiencing this emotion. An emotion that can honestly last for years if an intervention does not take place. Yet, like many aspects of mental health, it took a while to be talked about. So, I am sure many students thought they were the ONLY ones experiencing these emotions. Which is not okay. Despite the adulting, major life decisions, and weird mental state you experience after graduating... it is a BLESSING. We forget graduating college is a HUGE mild stone. You know why? Because you apply to 50 jobs on Indeed just to receive a, “We regret to inform you.” Or you figure months later, the only way you going to make the coin come is by going to school... AGAIN. And let us not forget this recent trend of people ignorantly discounting COLLEGE degrees as if they are High School Diplomas. It doesn’t matter if you’re a first generation. It doesn’t matter if going to college is a tradition in your family and you just went along with it. It DOES NOT matter if you made it out “thank you laude” with no tassels, stoles, or honor cords to show for. You did it! We truly fail to acknowledge the discipline that goes into sticking it out those 4,5,6 or more years. Think about how many times you contemplated dropping out. After all of that, you mean to tell me that you are going sweep that huge accomplishment under the rug? Was not every coffee, energy drink, mental breakdown, and sleep deprived night worth it? Well it was for me! So regardless where you are in your post grad journey, remember you already did the unthinkable. You crossed the stage. You have your credentials. Now you just must make yourself believe you are worthy of every opportunity you strive for and approach next.
To recap, you are NOT an imposter. You are who you say you are. You are that best version of you, that YOU put out. Yes, you made it across the stage and got that degree. Loans and all! THE BAG IS SECURED, PERIOD. But do not let a wave of uncertainty deprive you of your future blessings and career. Like all parts of life, you have to get through RAIN it to see the sunshine. Rain might be unemployment, not getting that dream job yet, or even not knowing your next move. Hold your head up during the most questionable time of your life. Your degree is not worth anything less facing tough circumstances. For those who have started a new journey. You got the job, congrats to school, or whatever the next big step is. OWN IT. You are not an imposter, you are the right one for the blessing. And remember, your degree is great… but it does not make you. It is an asset. You are a noun and that degree just acts like an adjective. Nouns can stand alone without adjectives and FULLY function in sentences. You are where you need to be, and when it is time to be where you want to be... I promise you will be there! Do not fall victim to the imposter syndrome. Please do keep striving and do not think you are alone just because others are not voicing their doubts.
Xoxoxoxxo-SeauxRaven
And special thanks to all of my friends who have helped me conquer my imposter syndrome and post grad difficulties. I love you!