So Twitter has been on a rant about relationships lately, which is nothing new. First it was the "faithfulness in relationship" spill, and now it's "pre-dating". HAHAHA. If you ask me, our generation is just getting weirder. I personally think we just like making things harder than they need to be. Ultimately, I believe if social media wasn't involved, we would not be facing these problems. But hey, who asked me. Anyone here is my take on this foolery.
Faithfulness in the talking stage
To be fair when addressing this, I think it is fair to recognize that the term "talking" is very subjective. We all have different definitions of this term and it kills me because everyone acts like it synonymous to a relationship. And it is not! Some people think talking is basically the step before a relationship. You're dating the person and getting to know them more and more. But here's my question? When you are "talking" to someone, is this a sport or a limited interaction. And is this serious, or for play? Just because someone thinks that talking is a serious thing, doesn't mean the next one agrees. There are individuals who view talking as literally talking. They are literally getting to know someone, and dating may or may not be involved. So when we talk about this faithfulness component... um how is it determined? Well that is where communication comes in. And that's another issue with us these days. No one want to be straightforward and we would rather beat around the bush. But why do that when someone else's feelings could potentially be involved?
When I said talking is subjective this is what I meant... My friends and I were eating lunch and of course we discussed this probing topic. I asked them what is talking, or how do you define it. I literally got three different answers.
1) "Talking is me getting to know as many individuals as possible. I can hang with them, either at their crib or date them. Why would I be faithful when I am literally dating? Dating is weighing your options and trying to person who suites me best."
2) "When I'm talking to someone, I'm literally talking to one person. I can't entertain multiple dudes at once because I get confused. When I'm talking to this person, I'm putting my all into them in hopes of a relationship in the future."
3) "I don't talk to anyone. I am literally having the time of my life right now. I don't have time for that serious stuff. Nothing stop me unless.... “The rest of that statement is extremely inappropriate. Lol got to love this friend for her honesty.
Now I could go on and on, and tell you all of the individual's take on what talking is. But that would make this an extremely long post. So, this is what I think.
Whoever you are "talking to", be very straightforward with them. A lot of people don't like doing this because they don't want to rock the boat. And I get it. Our generation is very "go with flow." But what if your flow and the other person's flow is going in two different directions. I think when people aren't upfront from the jump it causes assumptions and hurt feelings. Most of the time we all tend to be on different pages. So why not tell someone the kick you are on from the jump. And if you aren't sure of what page you are on or the direction you want go, tell them. Tell them at the beginning though. That's really not cool to do on the end side. So do I think you should be faithful the talking stage? Absolutely yes and no. If you and this person have established that you all are working towards something special, of course be faithful. If someone is investing a lot into you, don't be greedy and pour into someone else. But on the flip side, if you and this person are literally just going with motion...by all means do your thing. I say do what you want unless the person explicitly says otherwise. Your maturity has to kick in at some time of your life, and you have to learn to say what you want, who you want if from, and why. I know we are in our twenties, but that is not an excuse for not communicating. And I know you might read this and disagree. Like if a guy wants nothing more than a casual friend, and the woman wants more. Instead of being manipulative of one's feelings, just say what you want. Don't dress it up either. I am a very blunt person, but I guarantee you people respect me for it. Now don't be a jerk about it, be real about it though. I'm not aiming this at just men either. Women have a horrible habit of entertaining men they wouldn't give the time of the day. They are just bored and like the feeling of being wanted. That is very disgusting and shallow. Sis if you know this man really like you and you just using him for a dinner ticket and etc. (you know what I'm talking about), please call the police on yourself. Be better than that. Stop justifying playing men as delivering karma to your past trash experiences. Because karma is like a boomerang, it comes back and you will get yours.
I hate that I didn't give you a yes or no answer to this debate. But truth be told, I don't think there is one. I think this up to you as an individual and your relationship.
Predating
Wow, I really mad this a word, term, an option! Dude what is predating??? Now when I look it up on Urban Dictionary this was the explanation:
Now I think this is a reasonable answer. Yet, dating is our era is different than what used to be. In our parents’ time, dating meant you were in a relationship with your significant other. You guys were, "seeing each other" or "going steady", as my mother likes to call it (I hate that term my mom uses it till this day when asking me about my love life). But currently, dating can mean many things. I think the most popular definition would be “getting to know someone by going on outings and spending time with them". So that definition from above might not suffice, even though it is the most logical.
Now this other sh.. stuff. I was reading some thread on twitter, the gist I got, is that predating is basically a name brand version for chilling. The dude was saying that he would rather get to know a woman in a relaxed setting before he decides rather or not he wants to spend time and money on her. He'd like to establish a vibe first, and then proceed to dating if she is cool or whatever. Now I can't disagree with this because I'd ultimately be a hypocrite. As a woman, duh I like dates and food hello. I think it's a nice gesture when someone wants to take you in a public setting and get to know you. But it is not the only way to form an impression or get to know someone. And I think the dude in the thread was very justified for his statement. BUT!! Why would we call this a predate? That doesn't even sound right. Why are we always complicating things??? And I already know people are about to hop on this wave, because twitter is where most people get their advice from. Let's just be simple and call it hanging out or chilling. Again, predating is just ugly. Call it what it is, and what it isn’t. I don't even think this should be a factor in dating. If a man doesn't want to take a woman on a date, just don't. All that extra stuff is unnecessary. Imagine a dude hitting you up on some, “Yea let's go on predate. My crib or yours?" Son, if you don't just come chill by me and take all that out the equation. What if you just wanted to hang with someone, with dating not intended? Yet, you've been predating them for about a month. So sis probably thinking, "Well this is probably leading up to a date." Meanwhile you done finessed sis. You all are wild. Please let's stick to the basics, and refrain from using this term effective immediately.
My overwhelming message in these rants are you have to decide what you want to do in you various relationship. You determine this from your wants, needs, and rules. YOUR RULES. Stop relying on twitter, because it is literally entertainment. You should not let random people on the internet get in your head about how you interact with others. I hate the corniness of the saying, but social media really did ruin our generations and standards and relationships.
xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxo- SeauxRaven (subscribe)