Well hello and welcome back to my blog :) Let's tackle some really controversial topics that come with first dates. Disclaimer: These are my opinions so feel free to not adhere to any tips in this post. I tried to be as unbiased as possible and see things from each gender's side.
So let’s get started. Let's tackle who initiates the date. Now I know we are in a generation of shooting your shot. But ladies, is that really what you want to do? Personally I believe this generation forgot what dating is, but that neither here or there. Anyway I personally would rather be asked on a date, because it shows me you are interested in getting to know me a bit further or in different setting. Now sidebar... people do go on dates for various different reasons. And just because someone takes you on a date does not mean that it's smooth sailing from there. There is a lot of people, male or female, who will pay for a meal so they could... you know what I'm saying. But let's act like they are just solely trying to get to know you in this post :) Anyway, although I'm old fashioned and think a woman should be asked out by a date by a male, I don't believe this is the gospel. I see no problem with woman casually saying, "Hey you want to get drinks?" "Or you want to catch a movie?" Or even a, "I'm hungry, you want to come get some food with me."
Now I believe this takes courage and instinct. What do I mean by this? Well one, let’s make it clear that it takes courage from a male or female to ask one another on a date, because there is always the fear of rejection. But focusing on the female's perspective, I think it takes more courage because it is not the natural or "typical" role of a woman to ask. I personally wouldn't ask a guy on a date, UNLESS he throws hints or I am sensing he wants to. What do I mean by that? Let’s say Bryan and Tamika are texting and Bryan asks Tamika, "Wyd", and she responds, "Oh, I am Buffalo Wow Wings with my friends.” Now if Bryan says something like he loves Buffalo Wow Wings, or "without me", or I need to go there this weekend... Tamika can slide in, “We should go the next time." Or something along those lines. Now if Bryan is just interested in the Netflix and chill route he might just breeze over that and say something to change the topic. And guess what. That's perfectly cool, shake it off queen. But also girls, remember, some guys are very SLOW. And they do need a push. So you may want to be a bit blunter or arrange it yourself. Like I said, this is not my route, but what's the worst that could happen. To sum this portion up. If you want him to ask you on a date, and he hasn't, try throwing a lob (assist). And if that doesn't work he might just not want to date you sis.
But in some males defense, they would rather feel a girl out in a relax setting and THEN date her public. Honestly, I completely understand. If I was a guy, I wouldn't want to be taking every girl I'm texting or think is remotely decent on a date. On the flip side though sis, if dude been "feeling you out" for about 3 months plus (again my opinion) he might just not want to date you. These things vary with the nature of a relationship.
Now who pays for the date? I took a little poll among my friends. One guy said , “Is this as serious question Raven?” Some other guys said whoever initiated the dates pay. And my girlfriends of course said, the guy. One friend went on to say if she ever went on a date and the dude didn’t try to pay, she would walk out. LOL. Lastly, mom said she is “old school” , so of course the guy. So remember when I discussed who initiated the date? Now I'm probably going to get slandered for this but I believe whoever initiates the date pays for it. Now in a perfect world, I do think that a male should pick up the tab. Why? Because I believe that is what men do. But this is not a perfect world and obviously we all have our different point of views of what a man is and isn't. But back to the women. Anything you want or seek from a man, you should be able to provide for YOURSELF. How you going to have a Top ramen and fake handbag budget/lifestyle and expect otherwise. And nothing is wrong with living like that, just keep that same energy. So don't be initiating no date to Copelands or Ruth Chris, if you don’t have Copelands and Ruth Chris money. Now on the flip side, if a male initiates a date to a high end restaurant or anywhere I am expecting you to pay. Why? Because I did not ask to spend time with you, you asked to spend time with me. Now ladies, I always bring my wallet because my daddy always taught just bring it just in case. Or sometimes I do the wallet test( mostly in my younger days, do not judge me.) I would go on a date, and I would pick up my purse or wallet as we get out of the car. Now, the men I have encountered are gentlemen, thank God. So they'd say something like, "What you need that for?" or "Leave that in here." I don't believe in the splitting the bill theory either. That is selfish in my opinion and you basically are practicing a form of friend zoning. Or you might not want s second date. :) If you can't spend a little change on me obviously, I am you mere FRIEND. And if that is so you will be treated as such. I talked about a woman's responsibility, but males if you are going to ask someone on a date, YOU NEED TO PAY FOR THE DATE.
And speaking of who pays and who doesn't let's talk about what to order. What should I order on the first date? Now as Queen Latifah said on the Last Holiday, "I'm not no salad eating girl." I will eat a side salad, but that is not what I'm choosing on a date. BUT, I am not going to order the whole menu. I am very picky, so I stick to pastas or seafood. I am also very modest, so I'm not going to order what I would if I'm on my parents' check. My family likes to eat, we all kind of thick with the exception of Paige. (Sorry sis) So when I'm on my parents tab, I am ordering an appetizer, an entrée, and you guessed it. A dessert. Cheesecake more than often. But I will not order all of this on a date. Two reasons. One my stomach is extremely weak and unless your stomach a soldier I don't see how you can eat all of that in one setting and not feel a little discomfort. Secondly, I don't want it to look like I'm not used to nothing. I don't dude to be thinking, where did I get this girl from. (Side note if you are trying to a scam a meal by all means disregard this.) But hey? Why listen to me? To each its own. On the flip side, dudes if you initiated this date. You need to be prepared for whatever. Don't limit my good sis, or give her a budget. Now if she balls out on the check, take that as a hint to determine if there is a next time. And if you're one of those, "we can go wherever you'd like” type, when sis tell you where she want to eat, you better do your research so you can know how much to bring. Again this might be common knowledge, or you might be balling like that and never have to worry about this predicament. But there are some out there who might need to know this. :)
How much was spent? I'm going to keep this section real short. But I wanted to discuss this because it happened to me once. I know women always have the inclination to look at the bill as it is brought out. At least I know I do. But MALES, don't you ever tell a female how much you spent. What am I saying? One time, I went out on a date with a dude and it was pretty decent to say the least. So to make a weird and uncomfortable story short, the check came to the table. I peeked as I normally do and it actually wasn't expensive as I thought it was. We were at a steakhouse. So we riding home and the guy says, "You must be special." Now I, knowing he was partially problematic knew he was going to say something crazy. So me entertaining him I said, "How so?" He said he never spent this much money on a date before. Now to spare my embarrassment, just know the check was below $70.00. First of all, why would you tell me that? You chose to take me here and told me to order what I wanted. So don't tell me what you spent because you right I am special, and that makes you look a bit tacky. If you aren’t want to spend money, you should've never took me out. Period. Point. Blank. Now later on he did explain he said this because he wanted to let me know this because this was his way of showing me he really cared about me. Nope not my love language, try another way. That is rude. Fellas do not tell a girl how much you spent on the ticket that is unnecessary information as far as I am concerned.
Have a dialogue, not a monologue. Dates often go three ways: extremely awkward, interesting and fun, or one sided. I am an awkward person, so I can attest to the weird silence or the glancing up and away from each other. But somebody has to say something. I use my corny humor to my advantage, and it normally strikes a laugh. But everyone does not share the same humor, so sometimes you have to take a different route. Now personally, I do not want to have the whole "what are your goals and aspirations" spill as we are eating the bread or appetizer. Let's ease into that. Small talk is crucial. Say something kind or ask about their day. I am a talker but I kind of need an assist. I typically feed off of the other person. But speaking of feeding off of the other person do that! Do not be that date who dominates the conversation. If someone is just looking at you with few nonverbal you are probably boring them to death. And please do not turn this into a therapy session. You are just meeting this person. They do not need to know your family issues, friend drama, etc. Leave something to talk about the next time. Don't run them off. I mean again, to each its own. But I personally do not want to know about all to hear about all of your dramatics, that's just not what I want hear about at this time. Let's talk about you. Your personal hobbies, job, aspirations. Ease these in at a good rate and I think you are guaranteed to have a good conversation flow. Talk about things that will keep the conversation going. What is your favorite color or what is your major? These are so surface. But please, do NOT discuss political views and intense topics. Now later on after date one that is cool. However, asking "Yea are you pro-life or pro-choice?", or "Yea how do you feel about Trump's administration."... That might not be the move. (Side note if someone asks you anything about Trump as if they support him... run). Talk about things that are important to you though. Don't be on a mask, be yourself. Try to still maintain a little mystery to yourself, you don't want to be a complete open book. Just don't get extremely personal, vent, or dominate the conversation.
Omg can I talk about my ex? I'm mad I have to address this. But it has to be addressed because people are just weird. I honestly feel that it is common sense should tell you not talk about your ex while you are on a CURRENT date. But, of course it's always that one person. Obviously that person is your ex for a reason, and if they were that extravagant you'd still be with them right? That is annoying, and I personally wouldn't want to be on a date where is someone is constantly talking about their ex. Why? Because obviously you are not over them, hello??? I know my ex isn't on dates constantly bringing me up and if he is, he's a psychopath. I feel that if you do this, you are basically letting the person know you are not in space to explore new options. And also, if you are talking about your old relationship and what you did... you might unintentionally make yourself out to be the bad person. Even if you were the bad person, this is a new slate with a new person (unless you're a sociopath who plans on doing the same thing again.) Remember you are trying to highlight your attributes and sale yourself.
Well guys, those are my do's and don'ts about first date debates! Like, subscribe, and comment to Seauxraven and share this post with a friend!
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