Sorry to be cliché, but whoever said these would be the best years of our lives, kind of lied. Sure you have all this new found freedom, friendships, and freedoms. But what makes these years so weird and scary... is the fact that whatever we do, determines our livelihood. -_____- . So are these really the best years or the most confusing years of our life? Here are some topics that have really irked me while trying to "adult".
So when we add college to this so- called adulting phase, the equation becomes stickier. Known as the biggest scam ever, college is truly where you question your whole being as a human. For instance, before I came to college I THOUGHT I was this big social butterfly, who LOVED being around people 24/7. Now let me clean this up before my friends kill me. I truly love my friends and interacting with people... but wow college drained my energy in a sense. See at my university, I am EXTREMELY involved (sounds like a personal problem right). But I kind of have to be involved. When I was a freshmen in college, my motto definitely was "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Every party there was, I was there. Every social scene there was to be created, I was going to create or say I did. Monday - Wednesday, I went through the motions and went to class. Then Thursday, (evil laughs) the turn up began. Thursday, we went to the "then-popular" club Night-town. Friday, I was at Bed, or whatever kickback we decided to go to if we were broke. Saturday, to be honest it's a blur, but I know we were somewhere other than the dorms. Sunday, I told my parents I'd go to church. And honestly, I really wanted to be at church. Yet, I was shaking back and hoping not to die. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this was a horrible life, at least for me. So I sought out a different outlet for this social energy.
So anyway, I became extremely involved. I became the Vice President of two major orgs and nearly became an ambassador for the school. I have to keep myself busy, because it forces me to prioritize my time. Now, this formula actually works for me. Emphasis, on ME. So if you are a nursing or bio major, or anything that is extremely overwhelming, I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS! My grades rose, I got connected with the right people, and to say the least it has been a very memorable and beneficial experience. But now as I take me victory lap as a senior, I AM DRAINED. I ask myself, "Do I like people, or do I tolerate people?" "I am I really an extrovert, or am I an introvert trying to be something I'm not..."These are the questions that haunt me.” Do you really need this degree?" Now I do believe aside from the temporary struggles of college, a degree helps you look more marketable than most of your counterparts you will face. But baby when I'm scrolling on Indeed, (which I go on daily because I'm poor and need a job) a lot of jobs I stumble upon require little to no college education and make BIG BANK. Or maybe I'm looking at them from the standpoint of someone who is poor. But I don't know. We will see if I get this degree or if it'll get me. Stay tuned till Dec.
Now the financial side of being an "adult"... I'm not sure if I have a problem saving money or if money is not meant for me to save :(. Like why should I have to choose between buying washing detergent or a Wendy's 4 for 4? Or why do I have to decide to put a full tank of gas in my car instead of putting half a tank and using the rest for a refill on the full set I'm trying to maintain. I'm tired of checking my Chase Account, and praying Apple didn't take the last five dollars I had to pay for my Apple Music. And I tried to use my dad's account , (yes I know I'm cheap) but he doesn't have the family plan, so after many threats of changing his password on me, I bought my own. Ew. Anyway, I probably sound like a brat, and I'm not. I'm just a bit high maintenance and like to buy things a college student trying to save should not. That makes sense right?
And friendships are weird during this time frame too. Anyone who says they have maintained and don't have friendship problems is a liar. I came to school with three of my closest friends, I'd like to hope they call me their best friends (hehe they do), cause that is what I'm going to call them. But when you come to college you meet so many new people, and I do believe it's true when people say that some of these people you meet here will be your friends for the rest of your life. But what about my old friends? How do I balance the old and new people in my life? I have this personality that kind of draws people, and many think it's a great thing. But of course my friends would tell me I was being too friendly, or you're fake, or something that would make me mad. Now, most of them said this out of love, but it hurt. Why would they think I would drop them for these new people? Couldn't I have more than one friend! How do you balance being a people person, but making sure your friends know that you cherish them. Well one, know that you can have as many friends as you want. Not that I had a ton, but I had to realize even if there were truth in what I was being told, it was my life. I was allowed to make a few mistakes here and there and deal with my consequences. Some lessons you just need to learn. And besides, if I go a week or so without contacting you, yet we have been friends for some quite time and you think the friendship is over, that's your problem. And I don't mean that in a rude or mean manner. But I think the first thing you learn in adult friendships is that every action doesn't warrant a response. I mean yes, of course some things do generate a response. But why explain yourself to someone who is only listening to respond, or trying to hold you hostage in a friendship. It's not healthy for someone to think that you’re their only friend, and quite frankly it is creepy. Now I am little older and somewhat wiser. I come in to contact with many people and I try to leave a little impact on each person without being too friendly. I realize now I can't have a million friends, that's draining. This might seem like common sense to you reading, but I'm a really nice person who hates hurting people's feelings. So it was hard for me swallow all of this. But after I saw the same new "friends" who I was bending over backwards to include didn't actually reciprocate the same energy, I understood it all. Some people just like to be around you and affiliated with you because it's a good look. It would be wrong to be against you right? Next thing you know, they come into your life and let their demons loose and then you are left trying to figure out when all this hell broke loose. Or they're are just a horrible friend and it is a one sided friendship. I can truly say that my current friends, the small amount I do have, really care about me. They know that I have other obligations and don't treat me like a bad friend when I'm busy. They know that if I'm distant, I just need to recharge. What's the message in this long paragraph? Make your own decisions, cherish and validate your real friendships, it's so okay to have associates, and stop explaining yourself to people!
Then as far as romantic relationships... I'm going to keep this brief because I am definitely single and we don't need the blind leading the blind. But as twitter says, coaches don't play (inserts shrugging emoji). LOL. Anyway. As I get deeper into blogging, I will make have specific topics on "love" and its components. But until then, let me just throw some things out there. I saw this funny meme and it's a guy at a shrink's office. On the therapist's face it says, "Girl with basic empathy skills." On the book it says, "Minor inconvenience." Then, coming out of the guy's mouth it says, “Wow are you a therapist?" Now I find this hilarious because I feel like every woman has gone through this. You meet a guy. You become friends with him, and a little too infatuated with him. You have a great personality and seem to come off very down to earth. He loves it. Then surprise! Satan comes out of his shell :). Sidebar: Some people might actually need therapists and that is okay... but you are not a therapist! It is okay. Wow as I type this, one of the maniacs I used to be with just liked my pic on IG. Must be the truth! Anyway I think it's easy for a woman to feel empathy towards a man and take on his problems as her own. BUT, this should be mutual in a relationship. And again everyone goes through things and trials, but it's not cool to use someone as crutch, and ultimately you come out stronger while leaving this woman lower than she's ever been.
Now on the flip side, being a woman, I know women like projects. Like we really be thinking us Build-a-Dude Express. SIS NO YOU ARE NOT! We praying for signs from God to see if he the one, but we D.W. on that gif where she is saying "well this can't be a sign cause I can't read." Meanwhile God done sent a yield sign, stop sign, caution sign, slippery sing; you get my point. Why am I saying this because, I can speak for myself. I can recall being butt hurt at somebody and it was my fault the whole time. Now of course some of y'all dudes are out there creating maniacs that has been acknowledged. But sis (ters), acknowledge that the dude told you what it was from the jump and stop assuming that y'all in a relationship or he playing you. How he playing you if nothing was ever established???? Maybe he just thinks of you are his friend. Maybe you could relax just a bit, and actually see how things play out before releasing all of your crazy on him. And stop telling your friends who you know are going to uphold you in your foolishness. Why would crazy go to ask crazier for advice?
And if you think none of that applies to you and you chilling alone, enjoy that. This generation will make you feel that being single is a disease. When in reality, always being with someone because of the fear of being alone... that is a disease. Be so comfortable with being by yourself that you don't feel obligated to be with anyone. That's how you attract the right company. My friend did this, after getting out of a sticky long relationship. I worried about her too, but she assured me she was fine. You know we all have those friends who have been in relationships forever and when they get out, you forget they were actually single at one point. Now (I hope I don't jinx this) she is with someone I know is the right one. She'd argue with me about this, but she knows. He doesn't stress her out and does everything in his power to make her happy. Wow I am about to cry typing this because I'm so happy for her. Jk I'm not that dramatic. Anyway my point, which I think I loss, is be happy at whatever stage you are in, in your life. Don't look at others, because the grass is not always greener.
xoxoxo- seauxraven